You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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