His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
