nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
