Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
