this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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