My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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