Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
