just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
