I'm jealous of your bromance
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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