I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
