I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
