I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
