How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
