you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
