i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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