Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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