i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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