i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
