sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
