Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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