no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
