he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
