i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
