No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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