I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
