I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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