I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm getting married
To pizza
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
