can u get pink eye on your cock?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
