Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
