I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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