Welp...herpes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Randomize
