i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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