dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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