I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
