I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
