Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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