I'm gonna have a badass scar
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
