I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
