I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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