Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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