i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
