I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
