So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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