before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
