What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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