The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's never too late to be topless.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
