i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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