Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
