That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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