I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
