I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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