we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
