well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
