If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The Olympian is in my bed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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